AnYi 安亦

---

Imagine that your protagonist has just turned into a statue. Describe his or her thoughts.

---

Drinking is bad. Should’ve listened to my dad. Fuck.

Wait…is this really alcohol? Do people get sudden full-body paralysis when drunk? I mean, I’ve been drunk before, but this is different…no palpitation, no blurring vision, no sudden urge to throw myself off the top of Big Shorts. [1]

I’m fine. More or less. Still have sight and hearing; good. Brain seems functional; also good. They’re all leaving…of course they won’t notice one missing colleague, especially one that doesn’t really socialise.

‘Hey!’ I try to speak, but my lips seem zipped up. Fantastic.

I can’t imagine what this must look like. Me, cosplaying the Statue of Liberty in the corner of the reception hall of this restaurant – they already have a fake one on the second-floor landing, as well as mini Eiffel Tower and a ghastly Little Mermaid. I really don’t want to be put beside that…H.C. Anderson would turn in his grave.

If this was a fairy tale, some magic hero should turn up now and save me from this apparent petrification. Well, fairy tales are lies. The only people who might turn up and notice me in this state are probably the perverted manager or some over-curious kid with too many hands.

‘Minru? You’re still here?’

Oh great. Curious kid it is then.

To be fair, he’s not a really a kid. Boss seems to appreciate him most among all the interns. Recklessly naïve, to be sure; but he’s young. Time will change that.

Just go away, kid. Can’t you see I’m busy cosplaying the spirit of America?

Staring at me won’t exactly help the situation, kid. And let go of my arm – I don’t exactly want to pretend to be holding a torch but no, I don’t prefer high fiving you either.

‘Minru, are you OK? How much did you drink? Can you hear me?’

Don’t look so aghast. I’m not dead.

‘You’re not possessed by evil spirits, are you?’

What have they been teaching kids at school these days???

And stop looking so…heroic? What is he trying to do? Carry me across the hall like statue? Wait…I don’t want to lie down in a taxi!

‘Don’t worry, Minru. I’ll be here.’

He almost sounds sincere…? For a moment, I almost want to believe in that promise.

OK, whatever evil spirit that possessed me, listen:

Fuck. Your. Ancestors. All of them.

---

[1] Nickname for the CCTV Headquarters in Beijing.